www.2weeks.com

i did it.

i grabbed two beers, pulled the chute and slid down the emergency slide.

well, not quite. but i did quit my job.

i accepted a new position with an awesome company, and every time i think about it i feel like...

 THANK THE F'ING LORD.

could life actually be worth living again?

there's hope, my friends. there's hope.

What are YOU into - Part I

what i do when i am doing what i do for 14+ hours a day...

what are YOU into?

lately i've been into working. but it's all coming together now.

here's a little intro to a project i've been working on...




i'll post some more videos from the roadtrip soon...they did some crazy stuff on the road!

quick story

i was pulled into a meeting today to listen to some potential vendor and his pitch for brochures that come with built in videos.

this was a pretty geeky/techy/dorky meeting. so of course i was invited. i love geeky stuff and i guess i have a "geeky stuff" background seeing as how i used to work for a mobile application developer.

there were three other men in the meeting, and i was the only woman.

so the video brochure rep is yapping away in some pretentious british accent about his product and how his customers use it and blah blah blah.

he gives us an example...

Mazda had a bunch of these video brochures made to give to people who bought a new car. It was a good fit because the video told people how to do stuff with their new cars like set up bluetooth. because, you know, that sort of techy stuff is confusing to some people -- especially women because, you know, they're just not as good with that sort of techy stuff.

now if ONLY i could raise just one eyebrow. (isn't that the best look?) i would have titled my head and stared this dummy sales guys down and slooooowllly raised one eyebrow as if to say, "DO YOU WANT TO TAKE THAT COMMENT BACK?"

but alas, i haven't perfected the "one eyebrow raised" look just yet. so instead i looked up from the sample i was browsing to make eye contact with the guys across the table who all bust out laughing because....ummmm....DID HE JUST SAY THAT?

realizing {too late} that there is in fact a female present, dummy sales guy says, "oh, well, you know what i mean. they're [women] just aren't as interested in technology. like... my wife always has to ask me to program her cell phone. also, old men! old men aren't very good at technology either."

so women and old men, huh? good to know.

question: will i recommend to my boss that we buy this guy's product?

answer: not a chance.

conclusion: i win.

know who you're selling to, dude. and maybe don't make assumptions about "women" based off that fact that your wife is ignorant. mmmmmkay?

also? i know some "old men" that can kick your ass.

company softball game

when i was away on a business trip last month, my cube mate signed me up for our office softball team. i wanted to kill her.

now, i'm all about showing up to games and supporting my coworkers and cheering and handing out orange slices...but playing? like actually hitting the ball? and throwing? and dear god, catching? not really my style. 

but here's the thing about these co-ed recreational leagues...every team must have at least four women on the roster at every game or else you start with an extra out (or something).

with people traveling and taking summer vacations and what not, we usually have exactly four women on our team. which means i have to actually play softball. which is REALLY FUNNY because the last time i played softball was maybe 17 years ago in 5th grade gym class. (and maybe some kids made fun of me.)

last week i tried really hard to get out of playing. i would occasionally yell things like,

"hold on guys! i need to google 'how do i play softball?' really quick."

and

"so which hand do i wear my glove on again?"

didn't work. i had to play.

but this week?

this week we had 5 women show up. so i didn't have to play! instead, i cheered from the sidelines...barefoot and drinking warm Franzia.

best softball game ever.

you better Belize it

i used to love airports.

when i was little, going to the airport meant going to dinsey world. as i got older, going to the airport meant a school trip to london, a family vacation, college visits. it meant packing bathing suits and eating junk food from the food court. it meant trashy magazines and bubble gum. and going to the airport was fun in the same way that getting ready for any special event was fun -- the anticipation was part of the adventure.

when i went away to college, i chose a school that was almost 1,000 miles from home. airports were exciting because they were just a small stop between two very different lives. and when i chose to study abroad in south africa, the airport was a place to collect myself and think about what i was about to do and later, what i had just done.

and then i started working. having {some} disposable income of my very own meant that i could go the airport any old time i wanted. so i did. i visited friends from home in boston. i went to london for the weekend. i went to thailand with some work friends...a year later we went to kenya and tanzania.

then i got promoted. and i started traveling for work. and all of a sudden, airports meant traffic on the way there and traffic on the way back. airports meant squeezing my liquids into ziploc bags, and sitting on the tarmac for three hours. airports took me away from the people i loved. they meant another night alone in a hotel room. they meant delays and cancellations. they meant power point presentations and expense reports.

i haven't taken a nice, fun trip in a few years. i guess i've been feeling pretty burnt out on work travel, and of course i've been lacking some of the things necessary to take a nice vacation like "money" and "vacation days."

but it sort of makes me sad that i gave up trying...that i gave up even dreaming about places i'd like to see. because there used to be a time when you could ask me where i'd like to go next and i could rattle off a list of 15 different options. and lately when people have been asking about where jim and i would honeymoon, i've been all, "i don't know. maybe we'll go somewhere later. maybe we'll just come back here and work."

ummm...who am i?

i think my sense of adventure is a big part of what makes me me. and i want it back.

so fuck it. it might be the worst possible time to take a vacation as far as work is concerned  {is there really ever a good time for vacation?}, but we're going on a honeymoon.

YOU BETTA BELIZE IT!!!!

what i do when i'm doing what i do

lots of people have been wondering why i've been so busy, what my new job is like, and why i slowly drag knives across my wrist every time my BlackBerry rings.

well, i can't really tell you. i mean i could...but i'd rather not get dooced.

so! here are some little details of my day-to-day that i feel comfortable sharing. if you're left feeling unsatisfied then come find me and i will tell you all about it. (i'll be the one huddling in the corner...chewing on my hair and rocking back and forth.)

1. sometimes i spend all day organizing pivot tables in Excel. sometimes i go to a warehouse and lift 500 pound boxes on a forklift.

2. my boss sent me to Walgreens the other day to buy 15 packs of cigarettes and a sugar free Red Bull. the cigarettes were worked related. the Red Bull was meant to keep me alive for the day.

3. one time i had to go back to work at 7:30 PM to ship something out. i brought Jim with me so he could keep the UPS guy from leaving before i could print my shipping label.

4. i stood up in front of my company in a t-shirt that was two sizes too small for me. also? i wore a cowboy hat. i did not have a choice about either.

5. i have become REALLY GOOD at setting up wireless routers.

6. sometimes i drink wine in Kentucky airports at 10:00 in the morning. i've learned i'm definitely not the only one who does this.

that's all i've got.

back to my corner!

raise your hand if...

...you think it's weird that i have a laminated collage of cars hanging in my cube.

*raises hand*

don't worry. the pictures are work-related.

you know what i think is even weirder than the cars?

the fact that i have a cube!

the other two offices i've worked in had open environments, meaning my desk was simply pushed up against a group of other desks with no walls or dividers between us.

i sort of like that i get to hang stuff now.

{it's the little things, people!}

busy bee

i have been sort of M.I.A. for the past couple weeks. i haven't been posting to my blog or reading other people's blogs. SORRY.

work has kept me insanely busy. and just so you know what i mean when i say, "insanely busy"...

i was so busy on thursday that i stopped drinking liquids because i literally did not have time to use the bathroom.

i was so busy writing emails, responding to emails, making phone calls, preparing PowerPoints, getting on and off airplanes, and NOT sleeping last week that i freaking lost my mind and burst into tears in the middle of the Denver airport on Friday morning. looking back now...the whole thing was sort of amusing. i was like a bona fide crazy person...crying into some napkins i grabbed from a fast food counter and gasping for air inbetween sobs while i tried to explain to Jim (over the phone) why life was SO DAMN HARD.

so yeah...i have friends with b days and friends cookin' babies, and friend's with parents going into surgery and i'm sort of a bad friend because i can't reach out as much as i'd like. but i'm thinking about all of you! promise! don't hate me!

too posh to push? not me.

soooooo awhile back my company signed up for this website that's basically just a database of restaurants in the area that will deliver, but it allows employees to store their favorite foods, make group orders, get corporate discounts, order online etc.

the database company sent everyone in the office a PUSH TO EAT button that plugs into the USB port on our computers...



...and when pushed, will automatically pull the database up on screen.

(this is because not only are we too lazy to get off our asses and go out into the world to get nourishment, we're also too lazy to push the buttons on the keyboard that will form a URL and bring up a website.)

anyway! a couple days ago my boss tried to throw away my PUSH TO EAT button because...WHO THE HELL USES IT? and i was all, "WHAT IF I EVER NEED TO PUSH TO EAT?"

and you know what? my boss and i totally needed food today, but we didn't want to physically move to get it, so we used the database. the embarrassing part? i forgot the website URL so i was forced to plug in my button and PUSH TO EAT.

it was sort of awesome. it's also sort of the reason terrorists hate us.

the glamor of business travel...

i don't want to complain so i'm not going to complain. remember that -- this post is not me complaining. promise. it's just me telling about my insane day yesterday...

background: i was away all week at a customer sales rally in virginia. i was supposed to fly home to NYC on thursday afternoon.

yesterday:

7:00 am-- wake up with a hangover. (there was some karaoke with the customer on wednesday night and i'm sorry, if there's an opportunity to karaoke, i'm going to karaoke. and if i'm going to karaoke, i'm going to drink.)

10:00 am-- drive large vehicle down steep mountain in the rain. cry about it because it's scary.

12:30 pm-- arrive early for my 2:25 flight, but it's all good because a) i didn't drive off the rainy foggy mountain, b) i found a table near a power outlet, and c) free WiFi!

1:30 pm-- flight delayed till 2:55

2:00 pm-- flight delayed till 3:30

2:30 pm-- flight delayed till 3:40

3:00 pm-- flight delayed till 5:30

3:15 pm-- flight delayed till 6:00

3:30 pm-- pace up and down terminal A

4:30 pm-- flight delayed till 6:30

5:00 pm-- call jim to complain about it.

5:30 pm-- flight canceled.

5:35 pm-- stand in line at customer service while on the phone with customer service to get rebooked ASAP.

5:45 pm-- woman on the phone rebooks me for a flight the next day. i stand in line anyway for a hotel voucher.

5:50 pm-- US Airways tells first woman in line that no one will be getting hotel vouchers.

5:51 pm-- it is becoming clear to the Richmond US Airways representatives that it is a very bad idea to piss off a group of New Yorkers who just want to go home. there is some yelling. (i don't yell, but i watch.)

5:52 pm-- SOMEONE CALLS THE COPS.

5:55 pm-- Cops come. we all get hotel vouchers. not even the cops want to mess with a group of angry New Yorkers.

6:30 pm-- Walk up to my hotel room, open door. the TV is on and blaring and the rooms reeks of cigarettes. someone in there? i have visions of scary men hiding in the closet waiting to rape me. i go back to the lobby to ask for another room.

6:40 pm-- In second room. order pizza and buffalo kickers. they forgot the hot sauce. damn.

7:00 pm-- Watching TV and doing some emails. The TV suddenly turns off. SMOKE starts pouring out of the top of the TV. smell of burning plastic is overwhelming. i gather my stuff and run to the lobby.

7:10 pm-- In third hotel room. wondering if i still have a valid prescription for prozac...

getting out of the city (even when it's for work) = good for the soul

hello, hello! i am writing from the beautiful blue ridge mountains of Virginia. it's beautiful here. beautiful. did i tell you how beautiful it is? it is. beautiful.

unfortunately pictures don't do it justice. it's frustrating because for some reason i cant get a shot that shows what i see from my eyeballs... gorgeous foliage, mountainy mountains, deer, vinyards, me driving a lexus SUV.

it's pretty perfect. you should borrow my eyeballs to see it for yourself.

i think that

s'mores are my favorite food.



we made some on the work retreat last week. i had mine with double chocolate...it's the only way to go.

Mohonky honk bodonka donk

i was going to post some pics from my work retreat earlier, but i left my camera in a cab on my way home! lucky for me, i was sharing a ride with Kelley and she saved it for me. thanks, Kelley!

anyway, work retreat. it was super fun! it was a lot of work during the day (those video games aren't going to just sell themselves) and a lot of play at night. because that's how we roll.

on our way upstate to the Mohonk Mountain House, one of my coworkers told me the hotel we were staying at was the one from The Shining. turned out that was not true, but i sort of believed him because...






...it's a little creepy.

but it was also very pretty.







it was nice to see all my coworkers and it was nice to get away from the city for a while.

it was also nice to come back to NYC, jump in a cab, and have the cabbie give me a big eye roll when asked to go make two stops in brooklyn. ahhh, home!

hold me, i'm scared :(

in about an hour, a group of video game sales and marketing people will be boarding a bus bound for Mohonk Mountain House in upstate new york. please help me.

actually, the resort is freakin' gorgeous. but um, the last email i received about the trip said, "bring ROCK CLIMBING gear if you have it." waaaa?? so you know what i did? i spent 15 minutes this morning hunting down the one pair of sneakers i own (and have owned since 2006) because that's as close as i come to owning rock climbing gear.

and when i first saw that we had a solid 4 hours worked into the trip's schedule for ROCK CLIMBING i pictured a cute little indoor climbing wall. then kelley sent me this picture from the resport's photo gallery...



...and i was all, WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S AN ACTUAL ROCK?

but yeah, i'm going to try it. that's the thing about these work retreats, you can't NOT try it because then what kind of message does that send to the bosses? that you're unwilling to try new things, work in a group, challenge yourself? BLAH!



i'll let you know how it goes.

doing the friday dance!

we made it to friday and it is t minus 1.5 hours until i am in the lower east side, happy hour cocktail in hand, with this guy.



can't wait.

let's all reflect on this week and think about what we're thankful for, shall we? i'll tell you what i'm thankful for...i am thankful to be ALIVE.

my boss and i flew down to miami on tuesday to meet with a customer and for some reason I DROVE THE RENTAL CAR. this fact deserves capital letters because i haven't driven a car in like...i don't know...11 months? maybe? i live in new york, i don't drive. anyway, miami. let me just say that it rained so badly that PALM TREES WERE FLYING ACROSS THE HIGHWAY. the whole situation was very upsetting.

anyway i'm alive! (so is my boss by the way.) the rain has followed me here to new york. i hope my little faux suede ankle boots from Payless hold up!



P.S. - these booties were featured in Time Out New York! check out their picks for new women's fall shoes here.

P.P.S. - thanks to kelley who sent me the Time Out article. (we both agree that there aren't too many winners in the list. except for the Payless booties, obv!)

P.P.P.S. - who knew Payless had some super cute shoes? psyched.

en route to "the city that rocks the city that never sleeps" (name that song and i will be your best friend)

i was in chicago last week and it was totally amazing because i got to see some good friends, go to the billy joel and elton john at wrigley field, eat my favorite bar food, wear a slap bracelet, and also because i got to shop at the BIG forever 21 (um, forever 35) in water tower. life is good!

i flew home on saturday night, unpacked my bag sunday, re-packed my bag on monday and today i am flying to san francisco. AND BOY ARE MY ARMS TIRED.

you know what the crazy thing is though? i'm in the air right now. i kid you not...i am in flight at 30,000 feet as i type these very words.

i always get really excited whenever i'm on a flight with WiFi. it's new and fun now, but i suppose some day very soon we'll have Internet on all flights AND cell phone service and then how will a little video game sales girl like myself avoid work?

here are the pros of in-flight Internet:

1. i get to check my blogs (mama loves her stories)

2. i get to email everyone i know and say "i'm online and on a plane at the same time!!!!" and let's be honest, that's exciting for everyone.

3. forget about the in-flight movie...i'm going to stream me some Netflix!

here are the cons of in-flight Internet:

1. there are no power outlets. i paid $12.95 (OK my company paid $12.95) to use Internet for the duration of this flight and my battery is dying and there's not much i can do about it except give the occasional pep talk. you can do it, little battery! think FULL!

2. i swear the American Airlines seats are way smaller than the United seats, and i swear that if my laptop were any closer to my face right now, it would be in my mouth.

3. the dude next to me can totally see everything i am doing. hello mr. 22B! how's the window seat treating you?

4. that important work email that just came through? i totally have to answer it.

ok so i'm off. there is PowerPointing to be done and tables to pivot.

would you like fries with that?

first we got webcams at work so that we could see our co-workers from whatever loft they might be gaming from.

then we had to get headsets so we can hear each other better when we video conference. (great. now i have to look nice for work because people will actually see me!)



here i am feeling totally unimpressed and looking like i'm running window #1 at the drive-thru.

today at work...

-They changed Bagel Wednesday to Bagel Monday and NO ONE TOLD ME

-Someone drank all the Rainforest Espresso flavored coffee (asshole) so I have to make do with Midnight Magic (yuck)

-I Received an email from a coworker that said (and this is word for word), “There is a small amount of blue, non human blood. Will that be a problem?”

-I looked down and realized there is a bunch of mini wheat crumbs caught in the folds of my scarf

It is hard to be me.

hunchback of the holiday party

dear santa,

please send me a Posture Corrective Brace for christmas.

xoxo,

michaela