Showing posts with label little shop of horrors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label little shop of horrors. Show all posts

Numbies in my gummies



So I went to the dentist today. AGAIN. But now that almost every single tooth in my head is filled, I don’t have to go back until August for a cleaning. (Someone remind me to start flossing between now and August, OK?)

To tell you the truth, my experience at the dentist wasn’t too too bad. There was no crying this time so that’s a plus! There was a lot of scared-shitless-shaking though. I think it had something to do with the fact that I was clenching every muscle in my body as tightly as I possibly could for a half hour straight. That counts as exercise, right? I’m totally skipping the gym tonight.

Even though I couldn’t feel a thing, the idea of what was going on in my mouth was freaking me out. I mean, some dude I just met last month was DRILLING into my teeth! And he was filling them with something that smelled a lot like nail polish! And that suction thingy was going crazy and attacking my tongue! And my lips were all stretched and maybe I had a booger in my nose and maybe there’s nail polish on my teeth! Blarg!

The whole time I was under THE DRILL I was trying to think of something else, anything else. So I started thinking about what I would buy myself as a reward for being so human and doing something that most [insured] humans do all the time. And then I started thinking about how terrible it is that I would reward myself with a thing. What would “the experts” say? They’d probably say it isn’t healthy to reward yourself with food or things. They’d say that a nice walk in Central Park or an extra 5 minutes of “me time” is a more appropriate way to reward oneself for a regular human activity.

But screw that, bitches. I’m gettin’ me a new dress.

"I thrill when I drill a bicuspid / It's swell though they tell me I'm mal-ad-just-ed."

I had a cavity filled this morning and yes, I survived!

This dentist appointment went one million times better than the last one, and I think it’s because Jim came with me. He held my hand on the subway ride there and suffered through the awful waiting room music while I faced THE DRILL.

After my appointment I went to work. When a coworker heard that I had just come from the dentist, he clapped for me. (Wouldn’t it be nice if people clapped for you every time you did something remotely human? Hey, I got up and went to work today! I want a standing ovation!)

Some people like to make fun of me for being afraid of the dentist. But I would like to remind those people that everyone’s afraid of something.

Some people are afraid of heights. I actually paid Skydive Chicago $200 to let me jump out of their plane at 13,500 feet.

Some people are afraid of spiders. I am 62% interested in keeping a tarantula as a pet.

Some people are afraid of public speaking. I got up and told the “Happy Turkey Birthday” story in my Advance Public Speaking class and no one laughed but ME. I laughed my ass off.

Some people are afraid of making decisions. I make decisions all the time based on NOTHING at all. It’s like I told my friend Amy, I don’t know why I do the things I do...

Some people are afraid of germs. I’m pretty sure I haven’t washed my hands yet today.

So there are two things in this world that scare me: dentists and earthworms. I can’t help it! But I’m OK with it.