so last year, preparing for what i knew would be a long and bitter cold Chicago winter, i bought this coat:
it's from Lands End and it's chocolate brown. for some time it was my "sleeping bag coat" because it's long and puffy and deliciously warm and it kind of looks like a walking sleeping bag, right? and yes, it's shapeless and a little fugly, but it's warm. and if you've ever survived a chicago winter you know that warmth is the only thing that really matters in a coat.
so. even though my co-workers started calling me Mr. Hankey:
...i wore my sleeping bag coat. and wearing it was like wearing a big hug from the sun.
this year, i hate to admit, i was a little hesitant to bust out what eventually became know as my "poop coat". warmth and comfort might have a place in chicago, but i was pretty sure a poop coat wouldn't fly in manhattan. and so i ran around the island for the whole month of november in a little wool pea coat, refusing to leave the building when the temp dropped below 30 degrees.
you feel sorry for me and my tragic first world problem, right? i thought so.
anyway, winter is officially here. i mean, not officially because i think that happens later this month, but like unofficially, it's here. it's freezing outside. and i guess i could run out and buy another puffy coat (maybe one with a belt around the middle, cute right?), but i keep hearing something about a recession? maybe? did i hear that right? i'm not entirely sure, but i figure i already have a perfectly good poop coat in the closet and i really don't need to go out and buy another and secretly i love my poop coat so SHUT YOUR MOUTH BITCHES!
so yeah, it's cold. i woke up today and reluctantly put on the poop coat. i was almost boxed out of a subway car this morning because it was pretty packed and the people inside didn't want to stand next to the gigantic poop, but i shoved. people shouldn't discriminate against coats, IMHO.
when i got to work i was expecting "POOP" and "HANKEY" and all kinds of hate to be slung towards me and my coat, but it's 5:00 and...nothing. no one even noticed my coat! and then i realized...this is new york city. i could probably wear actual real life poop and no one would care. people would still try to box me out of the train, but that's because they're assholes and not because i'm ugly. and there's a strange sort of freedom in knowing that, dont you think?