hey...zoloft can only do so much!

As I was standing in a hot, humid, and oddly smelling subway station last night watching a cracked out homeless man bang a payphone receiver on its cradle repeatedly, I thought I might…might…explode.

There are times when this city is just too much and it’s all I can do to not throw my head back and scream bloody murder. You know what stops me from doing so? This is New York! Everyone who lives here has an abnormally large capacity for crazy, and I’m willing to bet that if I stood in the middle of anywhere and screamed til I passed out, no one would care. So what's the point?

And last night, for no particular reason at all, was just one of those “I need to scream and then pass out and then explode because I hate New York” kind of nights.

But my boyfriend! My saving grace! My Darling, My Hamburger! You should witness the pure patience this man has with me. You should see his superhuman ability to not strangle me while I cry about all the things that New York City does just to piss me off.

When Jim and I finally made it back to his place last night, I plopped myself down on the couch and declared that I’m ‘not done complaining yet!’ and continued to ramble on and on in what might be the world’s whiniest voice. Mid-rant Jim stood up and went to the other room. He came back with a notebook and pen.

“I’m ready to hear your complaints now,” he said as he sat himself down beside me on the couch.

And even though I thought this was the funniest and cutest thing he possibly could have done at that moment, I held my “I’m going to be grumpy” ground and continued rambling and whining about this city that’s out to get me. Jim took notes on everything I said.

So! To Whom it May Concern! Here is a list of words I used to describe New York last night. All dictated to Jim.

Smelly
Crowded
Hot in subway
Also, dirty
Expensive
Spread-out
People are mean
Lots of crazies


I’d like these things to be taken care of immediately please.

1 comment:

Amy Cowan said...

this article made me laugh because it listed out exactly your list:

http://nymag.com/realestate/features/49491/

not that you should move to buffalo or anything. but san francisco would do.