Need a pick me up?
First…pack up all your shit. Alone. Listen to The Blue Album. Have a couple glasses of wine beforehand.
Then, pack up your office. Alone. Listen to LCD Soundsystem because it’s the only thing you have on your work computer. Run to Office Max at least 3 times for more bubble wrap.
Next, set up camp in your friend’s basement. Sleep on the couch for at least 3 nights in a row. Realize you only packed 2 pairs of underwear for the week. Free ball it for one day. Realize that free balling it in spandex leggings is an awful idea. Like, a really bad idea. The worst. But don’t freak because you’ll be in New York tomorrow.
Get a call from your moving company. When they tell you your things will not be arriving in New York tomorrow, but in 6 days from now, don’t freak out. But wash your underwear. And your leggings.
Sleep on your friend’s couch. Don’t shower for at least three days. Go for lots of walks. When a strong gust of wind blows your greasy locks in your face and zits appear immediately upon contact, just head straight to Starbucks for your third Americano.
Go back to Office Max. Track some shipments. Consider a shower. Call a customer. Feed your friend’s cat. Do all of this in the same outfit you’ve been in for three days, two nights.
When your moving company calls to tell you that your things will be arriving on Tuesday, ask them why then they told you to change your flight to Wednesday? Raise your voice. Say things like, “Tuesday is NOT AN OPTION” and “your company already messed up my move once…you NEED to figure this out for me”. Make all kinds of demands.
And then! Finally, when you’re alllllll stressed out and as dirty as dirty can be. When your friends keep saying sarcastic things like, “huh…new dress, Michaela?” or “wow…never seen you in that outfit before” and your period comes back after just 2 weeks of tampon freedom...When there's no wind strong enough in the windy city to blow your grease ball rat’s nest hair from is resting place on your back…Take a hot shower.
Woah, baby. New person.