my mama told me NOT to be a cheap date

i know i've totally done this before, but i couldn't resist commenting on yet another "cheap date ideas!" article. it was just so...out there.

5 fun (affordable!) dates
By Margot Carmichael Lester

Lots of guys think that if they’re not rolling in dough, they can’t turn a girl’s head. True? Not so much. Sure, who doesn’t like presents or a luxurious lobster dinner? But the truth is, fellas, you don’t need to break the bank for a fun, thoughtful date. Try these alternatives to a big-ticket night out.

• Book it. Whitney Lehman of Naperville, IL, was impressed when her now-husband suggested they hit the books. “In order to get to know each other better, he took me to a bookstore one afternoon,” she explains. “In each section, we both chose a book of interest and shared why we picked it, what was fascinating about that topic, etc. It was a great way to get to know each other’s tastes.”

I love reading. Like…in all caps L O V E. and I guess bookstores can be hot. But really? REALLY? Did this date really happen? Like…what happened when they got to the Self Help section?

• Go local. “Go on a sightseeing tour of your own city,” says Emily K. Murray of Philadelphia. “Many times, people never take the time to see the historical or quirky landmarks in the city they live in unless an out of town relative is visiting, etc. So go to the library, grab a tourism book for your own city — whether it focuses on the arts, history, or something else entirely — and put together a walking tour. It’s an easy conversation-starter and a good way to get some exercise, too.”

OK. This idea is fine. but spring for a cup of coffee while you walk, OK? and if you're at it for hours, a happy meal wouldn't be a bad idea either.

• Game the system. Board-game bars are popping up in cities and towns all over the country, and who doesn’t like to play? “These bars are becoming quite popular and this is a fun date that will give you insight into your date’s personality,” says Ian Coburn, author of God Is A Woman. “Like, does she cheat? Is she a stickler for rules? A poor winner or loser?”

This is a fantastic date idea. Actually, I wish I ONLY went on dates like this. and no, i'm not being sarcastic here. but beware...bars aren't cheap. i once spent $100 on car bomb shots for a small group of friends. not that i recommend car bombs on dates...but still, if you're lady opts for martinis over old style (GO CUBS!), you'll drop a little bit of cash.

• Hit the streets. “One of the best first dates I went on, I was taken downtown where we walked around and got food from the carts set up along the street for about $6,” recalls Laura Mills of Portland, OR. Then he took me to an arcade that had a bar inside, and bought me $1.25 beers and handed me five dollars’ worth of quarters. We battled each other and actually got to talk and have fun.”

fine, fine. i like this idea. i actually went on a date just like this. but i'd NEVER agree to date a dude who thinks i drink beer. car bombs don't count.

• Plan carefully. “Here’s how to keep it inexpensive, without looking like a total cheapskate,” says Hal Elrod, author of Taking Life Head On! (The Hal Elrod Story). “Say, ‘I’m having an early dinner with some friends, so why don’t I pick you up after that and I’ll take you to get some ice cream.’” Then you can stroll together and chat. Cheap, yes, but very charming!

COME ON. I mean come on! I mean…I don’t know what to say about this one. CHARMING isn't the word i'd use. Like…can’t you buy the woman a whole meal of food? can't you throw some ramen in a pot and invite the chick over to your place for dinner? jesus.

dating costs money. it does. and you know what...in the beginning, the dude has to pay for shit. but i think as the relationship develops, everything evens out. i mean...man pays, chick puts out. at least that's what my mama told me (RIP!). but in all seriousness...get a job.