the doldrums

I was in such a sad state of inactivity over the long weekend that when I finally ventured out into the world on Tuesday, my legs actually hurt at the end of the day. Because I used them.

After two full days of lying on the couch Jim tried to get me out of the house, but I wasn’t having it. He even suggested we go to Re-Pop, a super cute vintage shop that’s so close it’s practically attached to our apartment building, and I still wouldn’t budge from my horizontal position on the couch. And if you know me, you know vintage shops are probably my most favorite things in the whole wide world so I was definitely in a funk.

Something I’ve learned about myself recently: If i’m not careful, if I’m not actively pursuing happiness every single day of my life, then it’s just so easy to get stuck in the doldrums. If I’m not paying attention, I’ll just sort of allow myself to lounge around the apartment and stare hatefully at my gorgeous view of New York City. Ohhh you should see me glare at the island of Manhattan. I think about buses that are behind schedule and long lines at the bodega, Amazonian women falling on top of me, blind men hitting me with their walking sticks, slow elevators, crowded sidewalks, long commutes, Scientology stress tests, 25 registers at Whole Foods, no seats on the train, blah, blah, bullshit, bullshit, crap, and I glare, and I glare, and I shake my fist at the Empire State Building and I can't see her from my couch, but if I could, I swear I'd give the Statue of Liberty the finger.

It’s ridiculous really. It’s INSANE. And I know that. And now I know I have to remind myself every day of all the wonderful things I have (a wonderfully supportive boyfriend, a job I love, an ass that just won’t quit, every one of Jodi Picoult’s novels in paperback, a brother who calls me drunk from happy hour in Sweden, sweet potato french fries in the freezer, a super human ability to run in high heels, a large collection of necklaces from Forever 21…you know, the good stuff) or else I'm doomed to a life lived on a couch in a bougie Brooklyn apartment. And that's a sad, scary thought, am I right?

But don't get all, "Michaela's off her meds!" on me, because I think we all get stuck in the Doldrums sometimes. It was even Milo’s (from The Phantom Tollbooth) very first stop in the Kingdom of Wisdom. But he got out! And I have too.

All the colors had returned to their original brightness, and as they raced along the road Milo continued to think of all sorts of things; of the many detours and wrong turns that were so easy to take, of how fine it was to be moving along, and, most of all, how much could be accomplished with just a little thought.
-- The Phantom Tollbooth

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